Wednesday, January 25, 2012

I Am Not a Materialist

I am not.  I'm not.  I can't be.  I'm not wealthy enough.

This is what I told myself just before trying to figure out what to wear today.  I scanned through the 20 hangars of clothes that I have, hoping to find something decent.  Finally I just threw something together, grabbed one of my 30 pairs of socks - all black - and settled into the living room.  I turned on one of our 3 televisions, and booted up one of our 5 computers.  N.B.  Two of them are in the shop, as they are not working properly.  Life is such a drag when your appliances don't work right.  Appliances?  Hmm.  I wonder how many I have?  Let me see.  In my house, I found:

2 irons
2 hair clippers
1 electric razor
1 leg shaving razor
3 hair straightening irons. I'm a man.  I don't know what their official name is.
1 electric piano, full size
3 video cameras
3 film cameras.
2 digital cameras, that I could find.  It seems like there are more around here.
1 printer
1 VCR.  Yes, we still have one.
1 DVD player.  But it's ok - it's not a BluRay.
1 Wii, with 4 remotes, and 3 or 4 nunchucks
1 PS2.  Again, since it's not a PS3, we get a pass.
1 PSP.  That could be problematic.
3 cordless phones, only 1 of which works.
3 Wifi routers, again, using only 1.
1 laminator
2 hair dryers
1 vacuum cleaner
2 GPS.  Why we have 2 for only one car is too long and painful a story to tell.
1 fridge
1 coffee maker
1 dishwasher
1 clothes washer
1 dryer
1 toaster
1 stove
1 oven
1 microwave
2 handheld mixers
1 blender
1 sandwich griller
1 breadmaker
2 french toast makers
1 slow cooker
1 electric skillet/grill thingy

which comes to a total of . . . (carry the one . . . . )  FIFTY THREE GIZMOS!?!

Oh, and the pièce de résistance - no fewer than (and probably more than) THIRTEEN mobile phones.  This, for a family of six, two of whom are not old enough to have mobiles yet.  How did THAT happen?

This list, of course, is probably not exhaustive.  There are nooks and crannies where more gizmos could be hiding.  I decided not to include lamps, though I'm not sure exactly why.  The list also does not include whatever might be found in the storeroom downstairs, which is a scary thought.

I mentioned that I have 20 hangars of clothes.  I mean me, personally, the man of the house.  The 20 hangars doesn't include my wife's warehouse of clothing, or any of the 4 children's closets. It does not include any folded clothes, of which there are legion as well, or whatever might, again, be lurking in the storeroom.

Why do I bring all this up?  Why expose my weakness for material goods to the whole world?  Well, for one, because a little confession is good for the soul.  Two, because you can't fix a problem until you recognize that you have one.  I guess now is the time to start Materialists Anonymous, and develop, or plagiarize, a 12-step program.  Would you dare put in the comments section how many hangars or appliances you have?

1 comment:

  1. Michael, I really enjoyed this, but NO I wouldn't care to take inventory of the stuff we have around here, nor the hangars in my closet. LOL!!!



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